The month of April has been a wild couple of years. :]
There is a lot going on, within and without.
Here are some of the happenings of the month, in no particular order…
*I participated in the San Diego City College Student Symosium and presented my Pecha Kucha-esque presentation live. I remember that I called in public speaking opportunities last year. As nervious as I was to publicly speak, I am now focusing on the fact that I didn’t bomb. I did have some trouble with the clicker but that’s another story. My presentation was titled, Unearth and Liberate Yourself. I shared my own transformational journey and tied it back to the importance of Chicanx Studies classes and more specifically, to Historian as a Curandera by Levins-Morales.
*I’m still waiting to hear back as to whether or not I get to graduate this semseter, my transcipts are still being evaluated… I haven’t applied to CSUSM, the deadline was once again extended, this time until the 30th of the month. I’m unsure whether or not I’ll try to apply… Hanging out at City College feels comfortable. I like the people here and don’t feel quite ready to join a University in a Brick and Mortar capacity yet… Is it fear, self-doubt, or my inablity to realize my innate worth at this time that has me on the fringes? I think yes, all of the above…
*In this moment, I’m in a bit of survival mode. I don’t like that I am here but I also realize that I am safe and I’m trying to stay centered in this knowing but it is freakin’ hard. I betrayed myself and I don’t know how to get back from this and right this wrong… I am working on it. Trying so freakin’ hard and failing miserably… I have reached out for help from those who I think can assist me through this. I feel supported in this except by the person who represents (but is in no way related to the damage) caused. She is literally a representative of the establishment, according to technology, she saw my message but didn’t reply. I expected better from her and maybe that’s on me… I was in shock when I messaged but even then, I knew that I was feeling ab it off about how she would respond. Her lack of resonse is also an answer, I suppose. I reached out again this morning but won’t try with her again beyond that. I will however, do what I need to in order to honor myself and to ensure that this doesn’t go unaddressed.
Class is starting soon, I ought to get going and settle in… I’m in freakin’ tears… Listening to a recording of Yaima’s show this past Saturday. This is legit balm for my soul. I am so grateful that I got to sit in ceremony after the event that has me shaken… My intention for the ceremony was to heal, to honor little Me, and to forgive the parts of me that don’t yet know how to act in my best interest… I won’t continue to act from a place of survival.
Holding Space for Visions to Take Form!